About Me

I never told you guys this, I don’t think.  I have a mental health diagnosis.  I don’t feel comfortable saying the whole thing, but I’ll tell you it is in the depressive disorder spectrum (not bipolar).  I also have social anxiety, which I am OK saying.  I had a REALLY hard time in college 10 years ago.  That’s when it all started.  I was always sensitive as a kid.  But believe it or not, while middle school sucked, I had a few good high school years.  And when I come to think about it now, middle school wasn’t so bad either.

I have been in treatment for…over 10 years.  This is the embarrassing part of the post where I tell you, yeah, I’ve been in treatment for over ten years and I still struggle with inner issues.  Treatment.  I’m not here to explain myself to anyone, I just want to tell you about myself.  So I guess that’s that.

It’s funny the things that really help keep me together.  I take my meds, I go to therapy, and I go to work.  Right now I am struggling in some areas of wellness.  Physical health, relationships, and living up to my full potential.  But I know I’ll get there, and right now I’m doing what I know how to do.

I am not my diagnosis.  My name is Amy, and my favorite color is green.  I am 29 years old and I still have it going on.  I plan to have it going on when I’m old too.  I am so enchanted by science and other languages.  I like to paint and draw, and listen to music all at the same time.  I have a comfy yellow chair that I read books in and watch Gilmore Girls on DVD in.  I journal like its no ones business, I love to take mini road trips in my car.

So that’s “About Me” today.  What about you?

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One thought on “About Me

  1. I’ve never met a creative who didn’t suffer from some form of Depressive disorder including myself. I think it’s a thread that ties almost all creative people together. In my own struggles I’ve come to the a hypothesis that creative people almost always being non-linear thinkers feel and experience life on a completely different paradigm then linear thinkers do. It’s not a simple as they / we “feel deeper” then the average Jane / Joe which seems to be in my personal experiences most people’s perception who think linear instead of different. When you experience the moment and see it for what it truly is mirrored by your hands interpretations opinions vary from Å to Ω but not for the artisan. The artist knows where the inspiration came from and how it self resonated “in the moment of musing” but few if any can ever conceive that moment through your paradigm even if you “take them by the hand and lead them to the moment.”

    I can only speak for myself but Social anxiety is a mystery. I know that for myself it comes and goes but when it’s present I miss all the “moments” that muse my creativity. My personality type is INFJ, I’m completely 100% extroverted in small groups of friends and even strangers. Get me in a group of people, even my loved ones at a family wedding and likely the only words you will hear me utter are the song I’m singing sitting in playing the band at the reception. I just clam up, I have nothing to contribute to any conversation but enjoy listening as much as ever. These small and large group issues are amplified x5 when I’m experiencing SA. The result for myself is loss of creativity which in turn feeds my heavy heart, a bad revolving door to be stuck in.

    Clearly this blog really resonated with me due to the mini dissertation above, but I think you’re dam brave to speak about it in public. Most wont because of the stigmata in society that comes with the price you pay when putting your personal self out there by just simply being real.

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