It’s OK to be vulnerable.
I’m still trying to make peace with that statement. There are times when I think I am OK with being myself, but letting people, strangers, see me, at my worst…panic attacky, angry, whatever – going against what I consider the emotional and behavioral social grain… it’s really scary and it makes me feel really insecure. Today I had to leave somewhere because I couldn’t deal. On top of that, I wasn’t feeling well, was having an anxiety attack, and was completely embarrassed in front of other people.
You do what you have to do. You trust that people will understand. You take it easy, be gentle with yourself. And even if you don’t believe it, say to yourself: It’s OK. Because it is. You have more power than you think you do. And it’s beautiful.
I read this in My Smiling Heart‘s Blog today: “My aim is not to please others, but to be so connected with my soul that it’s whispers are louder than the opinions of others.” I so want this. I so deeply want this. Thank you, for reminding me of this, Jen.
So I woke up this morning, and looked around my bedroom. It’s a mess, and to be honest, it could use a paint job, and I’m sick of looking at everything that decorates. The colored lights, the fabric covering the window, they’ve been there for years. Then I thought about a woman, who recently told me that she has made a serenity space for herself. You know, I’d really like that for myself. So, it’s on. I’ve always procrastinated this. But it’s on. More to come.
Lately, whenever I come here, I don’t want to write. I am scared. I am scared to be honest, because, what if the real me isn’t good enough.
I am reading a book called Getting Past Your Past. It’s about EMDR therapy and even though I’m only in the beginning of the book, I notice that its been soothing to me, already.
Despite what I said in my very first entry here, I am still an artist. I still make art.
I LOVE Sarah Silverman!
Here’s a couple more on my To Do List before I turn 30:
25. Don’t be afraid to be myself, even to the cashier at the grocery store. Dare to be cute and funny. My way.
26. Get on an airplane and go someplace AMAZING. Maybe California 🙂
I signed up for a Chinese language class to take over the summer. I hope it goes through. Sometimes they don’t because of low enrollment. Keep your fingers crossed for me….
I am going to be holding a drawing for a copy of this picture on Friday, May 11th. I made it a few years ago with pen and ink, and colored pencil.
To be entered to win my drawing, there are 3 things you have to do (it’s easy):
1. Follow my blog
2. Follow me on twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/Amyek83
3. Post a comment on this blog, telling me what your favorite color is and why.
I will pick the winner on Friday May 11th, 2012!
I don’t want to post about it just yet but there’s some things I want to do. And I’m gonna do em. They are fun and exciting things (and scary, so I have been procrastinating).
So, I figure I should post about my happiness project and how it’s coming along. I’ve decided this second, that it should be called a wellness project, instead. But that is subject to change 🙂
I am working on AWESOME things in therapy. I’m really happy that my therapist and I worked things out.
The weekend is upon me. I’m going to be:
And apartment hunting.
And relaxing. Reading a book.
Googling things about Northern California.
And getting my inner party on….Loving this spring weather.
This song came on at work today and I realized I’d totally forgotten about it. Love this song 🙂
I don’t think I want to be a visual artist (drawing and painting). I feel like Angela from the 90s show My So Called Life, when she said to her best friend, “I don’t want to be on yearbook, sorry.” It was a huge turning point for her. That doesn’t mean I don’t like to craft, make things, draw, paint, etc, it just means I’ve come to realize, it doesn’t light a fire in my heart all the time. The further I get into art, the more I realize there are other things I want to pursue. Like dance, being funny, giving back to my community, growing green things, inspirational speeches, a lot.
I want to continue my working on my happiness project and updating in this blog, too.