Here’s what I usually think a “Real” artist should be (note: I really only apply this to myself)
1. Studies art technique
2. Loves the great old masters
3. Is gaga over their own art, 24/7
4. Is inspired, 24/7
None of these things are really me. But you know what? I still like creating art. I like to express my emotions with paint, I like to cartoon in pen, I listen to music while I do it. Doing these things centers me. I usually don’t put the effort in to get REALLY good at figure drawing, I wish I did but I don’t, and I do alright. I get excited about crafty projects like kits and workshops about anything and everything I don’t normally do like pottery, stone carving, sculpture, bookbinding, art journaling, etc. I don’t always enjoy making art, sometimes I am soo bored doing it, so I stop and do something else. But I am an artist, and this is my unique DNA. I am not like anyone else, just like you.
I never told you guys this, I don’t think. I have a mental health diagnosis. I don’t feel comfortable saying the whole thing, but I’ll tell you it is in the depressive disorder spectrum (not bipolar). I also have social anxiety, which I am OK saying. I had a REALLY hard time in college 10 years ago. That’s when it all started. I was always sensitive as a kid. But believe it or not, while middle school sucked, I had a few good high school years. And when I come to think about it now, middle school wasn’t so bad either.
I have been in treatment for…over 10 years. This is the embarrassing part of the post where I tell you, yeah, I’ve been in treatment for over ten years and I still struggle with inner issues. Treatment. I’m not here to explain myself to anyone, I just want to tell you about myself. So I guess that’s that.
It’s funny the things that really help keep me together. I take my meds, I go to therapy, and I go to work. Right now I am struggling in some areas of wellness. Physical health, relationships, and living up to my full potential. But I know I’ll get there, and right now I’m doing what I know how to do.
I am not my diagnosis. My name is Amy, and my favorite color is green. I am 29 years old and I still have it going on. I plan to have it going on when I’m old too. I am so enchanted by science and other languages. I like to paint and draw, and listen to music all at the same time. I have a comfy yellow chair that I read books in and watch Gilmore Girls on DVD in. I journal like its no ones business, I love to take mini road trips in my car.
I think I went off track for the past couple weeks. That’s not necessarily a bad thing though. I think it’s really good to take detours. You can learn a lot. Sometimes the detour turns into your new road. MY detour, although it was nice, fun even, did not turn into my new road. But I did find new things to ponder, and steer clear of.
I discovered Sufjan Steven’s album, Come On Feel The Illinoise.
I drew, and it felt centering and peaceful.
I went to work.
I got good news.
I had fun.
I felt really sad.
I am ok, and now I’m blogging.
I think I wanna end this blog post, first, by saying, that I am enchanted many things, but I’d like to devote my intrigue to…Paris and France today. Go go Paris France!
Gratitude. Its been a bit of a tough weekend for me. But everyday, there are still things to love and be grateful for: my mom and dad, looking at family photos with my brother, Barnes & Noble, Finally planting those sunflower seeds I said I’d plant!
I leave you with some adventures I had in my front yard today:
My daddy planted a rose bush.
Lilies of the Valley: a super surprise for my birthday!