I’m still trying to make peace with that statement. There are times when I think I am OK with being myself, but letting people, strangers, see me, at my worst…panic attacky, angry, whatever – going against what I consider the emotional and behavioral social grain… it’s really scary and it makes me feel really insecure. Today I had to leave somewhere because I couldn’t deal. On top of that, I wasn’t feeling well, was having an anxiety attack, and was completely embarrassed in front of other people.
You do what you have to do. You trust that people will understand. You take it easy, be gentle with yourself. And even if you don’t believe it, say to yourself: It’s OK. Because it is. You have more power than you think you do. And it’s beautiful.
Here’s what I usually think a “Real” artist should be (note: I really only apply this to myself)
1. Studies art technique
2. Loves the great old masters
3. Is gaga over their own art, 24/7
4. Is inspired, 24/7
None of these things are really me. But you know what? I still like creating art. I like to express my emotions with paint, I like to cartoon in pen, I listen to music while I do it. Doing these things centers me. I usually don’t put the effort in to get REALLY good at figure drawing, I wish I did but I don’t, and I do alright. I get excited about crafty projects like kits and workshops about anything and everything I don’t normally do like pottery, stone carving, sculpture, bookbinding, art journaling, etc. I don’t always enjoy making art, sometimes I am soo bored doing it, so I stop and do something else. But I am an artist, and this is my unique DNA. I am not like anyone else, just like you.
I read this in My Smiling Heart‘s Blog today: “My aim is not to please others, but to be so connected with my soul that it’s whispers are louder than the opinions of others.” I so want this. I so deeply want this. Thank you, for reminding me of this, Jen.